The Confessions

"I have never told my oldest friend that there was a period of about two years where I found our friendship difficult. She was going through something hard and I was not in a place to give what she needed. I showed up but not fully. I am not sure she ever noticed. I noticed."

"I shared private messages with someone I should not have. Nothing illegal. But they were shared in intimacy and trust and I shared them in a moment of showing off. When I realised what I had done I felt physically sick. The person never found out."

"I told a child their drawing was not very good. They were five. They had worked hard on it and showed it to me with such pride. I do not know why I said what I said. Their face changed completely. I have never forgotten the speed with which I extinguished that small joy."

"When my parents divorced I told my father things my mother had said in confidence. I was thirteen and angry. Those words contributed to a legal battle that hurt everyone. I never told either of them what I had done."

"I never said thank you to a stranger who helped me during the worst week of my life. They sat with me for two hours in a hospital waiting room. I do not know their name. I have no way to find them. But I think about them and wish they knew what those two hours meant."

"I once had the chance to reconcile with someone I had hurt badly. They reached out and I did not respond. I told myself I was not ready. I was not ready for years. By the time I was ready I could not find them. That silence is something I will always regret."

"I once told someone I loved them for the first time purely because they said it first and the silence felt unbearable. I did love them eventually. But that first time was a lie born of panic."

"I pretended not to see an elderly woman struggling with her shopping on a bus. I was tired and did not want to give up my seat. Someone else got up eventually. She thanked them warmly. I sat there for six more stops feeling like the worst person on the bus."

"I cancelled plans with a friend who I knew was going through a difficult time because I simply did not have the emotional energy. I said I was unwell. She said she understood. She was dealing with something serious and I chose comfort over showing up."

"I let my younger sister take the blame for something I broke when we were children. My mother was furious with her for weeks. We are in our forties now and I have never told her. She would laugh about it I think. But somehow I cannot find the words."