The Confessions

"I never apologised to a teacher who changed my life because I was too cool at fifteen to show gratitude. She retired the year after I left school. I have thought about writing to the school to see if they could pass on a letter. I have never sent it."

"I cancelled plans with a friend who I knew was going through a difficult time because I simply did not have the emotional energy. I said I was unwell. She said she understood. She was dealing with something serious and I chose comfort over showing up."

"When my parents divorced I told my father things my mother had said in confidence. I was thirteen and angry. Those words contributed to a legal battle that hurt everyone. I never told either of them what I had done."

"I have not called my mother in three weeks. She will not call me because she does not want to be a burden. She is eighty one and lives alone. I know this about her and I still do not call. I do not know what is wrong with me."

"I have never told a single person about the worst thing I have ever done. I have confessed adjacent things. Carried it in different shapes. But the actual thing, the real weight of it, has never been spoken. Writing even this much feels like something."

"I ghosted someone who was kind, funny and clearly into me because they were not conventionally attractive and I was worried what my friends would think. I am ashamed of that version of myself."

"I turned down a junior colleague who asked me to mentor them. I told them I was too busy. The truth is I found them irritating. They have since gone on to outperform everyone in the department including me. I think about that refusal often."

"I sometimes find it hard to be genuinely happy for people I care about when good things happen to them. I feel the happiness but underneath it there is something smaller and meaner that I have to consciously suppress. I have never told anyone this."

"I never said I love you back to someone who said it to me because I panicked. They laughed it off. We never spoke of it again. We are friends still. But something shifted that day and I think we both know it."

"I lent money to a friend knowing I needed it back within six months. When six months came I told them there was no rush. I genuinely could not face the conversation. I spent the next year quietly struggling while they spent the money on a holiday."