The Confessions

"I ignored a homeless man who asked me for help on a cold night because I was in a hurry. Not the first time I have walked past someone in need. But that particular night, the particular cold, the particular look on his face. I think about it still."

"There is someone I have loved quietly from a distance for four years. They are in a relationship. I have never said a word. I do not intend to. But carrying it alone is its own particular weight."

"I once drunkenly kissed someone at a work party. My partner never found out. It meant nothing but the nothing of it almost made it worse. I have been a better partner every day since. The guilt does not diminish."

"I had the opportunity to study abroad at twenty one and turned it down because my boyfriend at the time did not want me to go. We broke up six months later anyway. I have built a good life but I have always wondered about that road not taken."

"I once deliberately excluded someone from a group chat we set up for a night out. I told the others I had forgotten to add them. I had not forgotten. I just did not want them there and was too cowardly to say so. They found out and I watched their face fall and said nothing."

"I told my children their grandfather was a good man when he was not. I wanted to protect them from a complicated truth. Now they are adults and I wonder if I should have let them form their own view. I took that from them."

"I lied on my CV about a qualification I do not have. That was twelve years ago. I have since become genuinely excellent at the job. But the lie is still there at the foundation of my entire career and sometimes it feels like the whole thing could collapse."

"I did not stand up for a friend when a group of people were being unkind about them behind their back. I stayed quiet and let it happen because I was new to the group and afraid. My silence was complicity. They eventually told me what had been said and I pretended I had not been there."

"I never told my father I was proud of him. He worked himself to exhaustion for our family and I took it completely for granted. He passed away three years ago. I have said the words out loud to an empty room since then. It is not the same."

"I wrote here about never having told my father I forgave him. I called him the following Sunday. We talked for two hours. Neither of us mentioned the past directly but something shifted. He sounded lighter when we said goodbye. So did I."