The Confessions

"I wrote something unkind anonymously online about someone I knew personally. It was mild by internet standards but I knew it would reach them and I knew exactly which insecurity it would land on. It was calculated. I am not that person anymore but I was that person then."

"My mother asked me on her deathbed if I had forgiven her for leaving when I was seven. I said yes immediately. I had not forgiven her. I said it because she was dying and I could not bear to give her pain in that moment. Ten years on I think I have finally forgiven her for real."

"I was a terrible older brother. Dismissive, unkind, always too busy. My brother idolised me and I treated his admiration like an inconvenience. He is one of the finest people I know and I spent his childhood making him feel small. I am trying to make up for it now but some things cannot be undone."

"I have never told my oldest friend that there was a period of about two years where I found our friendship difficult. She was going through something hard and I was not in a place to give what she needed. I showed up but not fully. I am not sure she ever noticed. I noticed."

"I was given too much change in a shop once. A significant amount, nearly thirty pounds. I noticed immediately and walked out. I have never gone back to that shop since, partly from shame and partly because I do not want to return the money."

"I feel a complicated relief when people I once envied go through difficult times. I recognise it immediately and I am ashamed of it immediately. But it is there. I think it is the shadow side of comparison and I have not yet worked out how to stop comparing."

"I once had the chance to reconcile with someone I had hurt badly. They reached out and I did not respond. I told myself I was not ready. I was not ready for years. By the time I was ready I could not find them. That silence is something I will always regret."