The Confessions

"I had the opportunity to study abroad at twenty one and turned it down because my boyfriend at the time did not want me to go. We broke up six months later anyway. I have built a good life but I have always wondered about that road not taken."

"I let fear of failure stop me from trying for most of my twenties. By the time I understood that not trying was its own kind of failure it felt too late for some things. I am making up for it now. But some windows close."

"I did not say goodbye to my best friend before he died. We had argued about something trivial and I was waiting for him to apologise first. He was gone before either of us backed down. That argument was about nothing. The silence it created was about everything."

"I was offered a role in another country that would have changed my life. I turned it down because my mother was unwell. She recovered fully and lived another twelve years. She never knew I had turned it down for her. I never told her because I did not want her to feel guilty."

"I chose security over love at thirty two and married someone reliable rather than someone who set me on fire. We have a comfortable life. But I knew on the wedding day I was making a sensible choice rather than a brave one and I have lived with that knowledge quietly ever since."

"I quit a creative project I had worked on for three years because one person told me it was not good enough. I believed them and I should not have. I have wondered ever since what would have happened if I had kept going."

"I never apologised to a teacher who changed my life because I was too cool at fifteen to show gratitude. She retired the year after I left school. I have thought about writing to the school to see if they could pass on a letter. I have never sent it."

"I had a talent for music that my teachers said was genuinely exceptional. I gave it up at seventeen because it was not considered practical. I am fifty one now and I have not played in thirty years. Not a week passes that I do not think about what might have been."

"I talked myself out of starting my own business three times over ten years. Too risky, not the right time, not ready. Someone else started the exact business I had planned two years ago. They are doing exceptionally well. I will never know if I would have."

"I spent the better part of a decade drinking too much. I lost years I cannot recover. I am well now and grateful for the life I have built since. But there are specific moments I missed, specific versions of relationships I will never have access to, and the grief for those lost years comes in waves."