The Confessions

"I forwarded an email that was meant to be private. Just to one person, someone I trusted. But it was not mine to forward and the person it was about found out. They said they were not angry. Their face said otherwise."

"I wrote something unkind anonymously online about someone I knew personally. It was mild by internet standards but I knew it would reach them and I knew exactly which insecurity it would land on. It was calculated. I am not that person anymore but I was that person then."

"I once deliberately excluded someone from a group chat we set up for a night out. I told the others I had forgotten to add them. I had not forgotten. I just did not want them there and was too cowardly to say so. They found out and I watched their face fall and said nothing."

"I pretended not to see an elderly woman struggling with her shopping on a bus. I was tired and did not want to give up my seat. Someone else got up eventually. She thanked them warmly. I sat there for six more stops feeling like the worst person on the bus."

"I told a child their drawing was not very good. They were five. They had worked hard on it and showed it to me with such pride. I do not know why I said what I said. Their face changed completely. I have never forgotten the speed with which I extinguished that small joy."

"I have a habit of arriving slightly late to things so I never have to stand somewhere waiting alone. It means other people always have to wait for me. I have never acknowledged this. I have let people think I am simply disorganised when in reality it is a small daily selfishness."

"I cancelled plans with a friend who I knew was going through a difficult time because I simply did not have the emotional energy. I said I was unwell. She said she understood. She was dealing with something serious and I chose comfort over showing up."

"I did not stand up for a friend when a group of people were being unkind about them behind their back. I stayed quiet and let it happen because I was new to the group and afraid. My silence was complicity. They eventually told me what had been said and I pretended I had not been there."

"I made a comment about a colleagues appearance once, very quietly, to a mutual friend. I thought it was funny. It was repeated. It got back to them. They never confronted me. They just became quieter around me and eventually requested a transfer. I never apologised."

"I laughed at a joke made at someone else expense when I should have said something. The person being laughed at was in the room. They laughed too but their eyes did not. I laughed anyway because I wanted to belong to the group more than I wanted to be decent."